The Kindness Experiment was great fun for me. To me it was an easy task. However, when I moved on to Week 3 to focus on Organization, well, that one seemed to take a different path. It wasn’t that I didn’t encounter organization in everyday life, it was just that it didn’t occur in my own personal life, in my own home, any more than it did before the week started.
This didn’t just happen to me. Subby has convinced me not to move forward into this area and so I didn’t make a plan. I didn’t make it my focus. Absolutely, I focused on aspects having to do with organization at work where I work with others, but not for myself, the one who matters most. At home, I am scattered, unruly, disorganized and drained. So I listened to Mark’s Intro to Week 17 video again and I realized that I had chosen not to give myself permission to be organized, to be that different person on my own and only for myself. I let Fear get the better of me on that one because it could. It also made me realize that there are some adjustments I need to make or add to my DMP, because clearly I need to adjust for this inability so that I continue to grow in this area in order to grow in my life.
I really had to “Sit” through this one quite a bit this week. I have put too much on my plate, too much on my mind, but most of all, I have too little emotional and physical support. I’ll be honest. I’m lonely. Not for friends, but for family. I realize I’ve often taken on so much in these past few years, because it distracts me from my ache for family. I ache for the comfort of being with family, of being an integral part of a family, the giving and taking of it all. I grew up as a very family-oriented gal, adoring family reunions where others didn’t, spending a great deal of my young adult life caring for aging grandparents (I was blessed to have all four until age 30) and parents, and then as a single mother whose child is grown and gone. This being alone, no, not just alone, but being “familyless” has been very difficult for me. I thought time would take care of it, but no, time actually makes it worse. The fact is being without family doesn’t suit me at all. And God help me, I don’t need one more cat.
Thank goodness there are new days, new weeks to look forward to. I’m going to rework my DMP this week…no…today! Also, I am permitting myself to focus on Organization–in my own home for me–one more time. New Day, New Week!